Wednesday, October 7, 2009

It's been a while

I was going to post an update on Monday which was 1 month since Lucas' funeral, but the blog website had us blocked from doing so because of possible spam? I don't know, it's cleared up now. Anyway, life has been full of ups and downs. We took the boys to my grandparents house in St. George for a little get away this past weekend and it was a lot of fun. We just relaxed, watched General Conference, and played in between. We took the boys to a movie and ate at Pirate Island. We spent some time with Aaron's brothers family who now live down there and it was fun to see the boys interact with their girl cousins. It was good for us to spend some quality time together as a family. I had a few sad moments though that took me by surprise. The last time we went down to St. George was at the end of May. It was at my grandparents house that Lucas started exhibiting symptoms of the tumor. He was in so much pain and we couldn't figure out why. I remember he used to hate tummy time, but my grandma had a butterfly quilt that she had made and placed it on the kitchen rug and he laid there on that blanket for an hour at a time on his stomach with his head facing to the left. He wouldn't turn to the other side and now we know why. It was because the tumor wasn't hurting him in that position. I walked into the kitchen and looked at the rug and the memory came back to me instantly. I became very sad.

On a good note, I had the opportunity to go to Primary's last Thursday with my grandmother. She has been busy making quilts for the hospital and asked me to go with her. I was nervous because I hadn't been back since we took our son home to spend time with him before he would ultimately pass away. It was hard but it was a great experience. There was a man in the lobby that came up to my grandma while she was filling out something at the front desk. He said that he felt a prompting to say how much he appreciated her service. He had a 12 year old son upstairs with cerebral palsy. He's endured so much in his life and when he was a baby, he received a donated blanket which he has loved to this day. He got choked up and continued to tell us how this blanket is worn and tattered but never fails to bring him comfort. He can't talk but loves to listen to songs about the Savior and hold his blanket close. He thanked her and she felt good inside. I'm so proud to have her as my grandmother. She is such an example to me and I love her so very much.

On Sunday night we decided to go on a walk. It was chilly and we were wearing our coats and hats. As we were walking Aaron made a comment wondering if Lucas was with us on our walk. Kaden said in his matter of fact voice, "Yea, he's probably just floating around us." It made us all laugh. I know that he is probably so busy in the spirit world, but I know that he is permitted to come and visit us from time to time. I've been reading a book called "Life Everlasting" and it has brought me so much comfort. I still have a long way to go but it's been really interesting to read about other's experiences throughout the decades who have passed through the veil only to be told it wasn't their time. I've had so many questions and this book along with the scriptures have brought much needed answers. There are other books that have been recommended and I plan on reading those next. The whole thing just fascinates me and I feel so much peace and comfort knowing that we will be with our son again. What a reunion that will be!!! I'm grateful for my husband who has been so caring and supportive throughout this whole ordeal. I've heard that many marriages don't survive after the loss of a child and I can only say that we are doing great and taking time to grieve individually and also together. Even Kaden and Jonas have had their moments of missing their brother and they cry. It's healthy to show emotion and to talk about it together. Thank you all for your continued love and support.



  1. I can only imagine how hard it is to lose a child. All I know is that you are an inspiration to those that are in the same situation and those that will be in the future. If ever you need a girls night or just want to get out of the house, just give me a call! We are just right down the street!

  2. You are such an inspiration to all of us Shannon. Thanks for your posts.

  3. Oh Shannon, how we love you guys! Your faith is rock solid and I'm honored to know you. Hang in there :)

  4. hi Shannon...hey your post reminded me of a book I read called "The Message." Oh my gosh it is so amazing, uplifting and amazing how involved our families who have passed on are in our lives! Really cool book. You may have to get it from like amazon or something. Anyway, thank you for being such an inspiration to me and my family! -Mitch Manley (used to be in your ward)

  5. Thank you for the update, I'm so glad you had a nice little get-a-way. You and your family are such a great example to me and to my family! I am so happy to have came across your blog! You give me such inspiration and I am grateful! Keep your chin up, it will get a little easier as time goes on....I will keep praying for you all!

  6. Its good to keep in touch this way with you guys. I appreciate all the updates because even though we don't see each other, Logan and I are thinking of you and your family often. Keep going. :)

  7. My son died nine months ago. It hurt physically every day for months and then it just hurt emotionally for months. Now, I have days I don't hurt. I'm sorry.

  8. We just wanted to say hi and we were thinking about your family.

  9. Stumbled across your page from another friends' on here, and I am grateful I did.

    You have gone through a life-changing experience, not only you as a person, or your family, but your children as well. When I was 7, my 8-year-old brother was killed while walking home from school, and here I am, 41 years later to let you know those memories will continue coming back with a "WHOOSH!" at many times throughout the rest of your life.... treasure them. They are a gift.

    I need to get a copy of the book you mentioned here, I know someone personally who has had that experience and she was given the ability to remember the entire experience. It was quite a difficult thing for her after the doctors re-started her heart after she was flat-lined for over 8 minutes (no brain damage that I know of!) - and yeah, she was told by a person who was standing next to her, holding her arm, "This wasn't supposed to happen, you have to go back."

    That person was her mom, who had been killed by a drunk driver just a couple years before.

    I know they are busy on their side of the Veil, Shannon, but one of their top priorities will continue to be their family.... and if I may, I might say the one place I have always felt my mom close by is in the Temple.

    It's been 12 years since she was killed now, and the hurt never goes away. We just learn how to live on, and make them proud of us and know they are our biggest cheering section!

    You have a very special angel, and he has a very special mom.