Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Life without Lucas...

Well, it's been almost 2 weeks since my last post. I feel like such a slacker but it's just been a hard couple of weeks. That phrase "Time heals" isn't all it's cracked up to be. If anything it's even harder now than it was a couple of weeks ago. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because it's really sunk in that he's gone and that this is our life now. I'll be fine one moment and then something will trigger something in me to the point where the tears can't be controlled. Even the smallest thing can make me so sad. We decided to take the boys to Lagoon on Saturday since we had promised them all summer we would go and for some reason never got around to it. They had a blast and Kaden was finally old enough this year to go on all of the big rollercoasters. (Even the one's I'm to chicken to go on.) He loved it. Jonas being our more timid and cautious child was perfectly content riding on the kiddie rides. I did my best to put on a happy face, but inside I was struggling. All around us were babies Lucas' age. I would see them on the merry go round sitting on thier mom's laps laughing as the animals went up and down. I would see them sharing a shaved ice with a sibling, thier mouths covered in red and blue stickiness. I would see them sitting in thier strollers sleeping through all of the noise. Even in the bathroom getting thier diapers changed. I was jealous of these moms who had no idea how lucky they were and I was sad that Lucas couldn't be there with us. Then I had to remind myself that we still have 2 wonderful boys and I should stop feeling sorry for myself. I am grateful for them in my life. Kaden's doing well in school and seems to be adjusting just fine. Jonas has been playing with friends a lot and loves it. I love it to because I seem to get more done when he has a friend to play with. We ordered Lucas' headstone and it should be here sometime the end of October. Hopefully it comes before the first freeze or we will have to wait until spring. We decided on a simple and small headstone for Lucas. It will have his picture on it and an etching of his bear. Aaron's uncle Doug is designing something special to engrave on the back. I can't wait to see it!!! We've been trying to stay busy and productive to help keep our minds off of things, but sometimes we like to take time to reflect and talk about Lucas and cry. We were late to church on Sunday because I had a break down and just sobbed. This is our life now and we are doing the best we can just taking it one day at a time. We have recieved many cards in the mail from freinds, family, and complete strangers over the past couple of weeks and I want to thank everyone for your continued support. It has truly helped knowing how many people love our family. Thank you for being there for us though this difficult time. We love you all so much!!!


Wednesday, September 9, 2009

One Week Today

It was exactly 1 week ago that Lucas earned his wings. This past week has been one of sadness, but we are finding strength that can only be explained by our loving Heavenly Father's hand. Yesterday Kaden was outside riding a neighbors skateboard and trying some new tricks. Then as we were getting ready for bed he said, "Mom, I thought Lucas was inside. Then I remembered he's in heaven and could see me doing all of my cool tricks!" I had to laugh. Laughter is just as theraputic and healing as crying. I find myself breaking down and tearing up over the dumbest things. Like the other day when I decided to transfer all of my stuff from the diaper bag back to a purse. I was cleaning out the pockets of the diaper bag and came across the tube of ora-gel that I had bought him back when all of this started and the doctor told me he was just teething. I kept his bear and slept with it a few nights ago. It still smells like him and I cried as I held it to my face. I am going to miss that little guy so much. We've gone as a family to visit his grave sight a couple of times this week and it's been nice. We took turns telling Lucas what we loved about him and what we are going to miss. It was a great activity for the boys to connect with him as they were distracted running around the cemetary. We are in the process of deciding what to put on his head stone. We have to decide soon because it will take 6 weeks to get made and it has to be put in before the ground freezes. We decided to purchase our plots and had Lucas burried between us. The head stone will have all three of us on it. (With the exception of our death dates of course.) I know that life will never be the same. I feel an emptiness in my heart that can never be filled. I love my son so very much. I know that we will be together again someday but in the mean time, it will not be easy as I am not a patient person. I guess that's a quality I will need to work on. I want to thank all of you for your support and please continue to pray for us as your prayers have strengthened us. We love you all!!!


Saturday, September 5, 2009

Rest in Peace Lucas

Last night was Lucas' viewing and although there was some confusion on map quest, there was a great turnout. Lucas looked like an angel and I want to thank our friend and funeral director Brian for doing such a great job. It was so great to see so many friends both old and new. This morning was the funeral and Aaron and I decided to speak. It couldn't have gone better. I definitely felt Lucas there. I hope we made him proud as he has made us both so proud. When we left this morning to go to the church house it was slightly raining and I remember thinking, "Oh no, not today. It can't rain today!!" Well, after the funeral service we were riding in a limo with Lucas' casket and I decided to check my cell phone. My good friend Whitney had sent me a picture of a beautiful rainbow she saw while driving to the funeral. This was only 20 min. before the service started. I'd like to think that Lucas was sending a little sign that he was smiling down on us. During the viewing this morning I felt so much comfort and kept my composure that is until the closing of the casket. Knowing that it would be the last time I would kiss his forehead and see his sweet face was so difficult. But, I know that I will be with my son again someday and that brings me much comfort. Aaron's Uncle Curtis did a wonderful job on a digital slide show of Lucas that played outside in the hall of the church. I couldn't watch it until tonight because we were visiting with family and friends. It was probably a good thing because I watched it tonight and cried through the whole thing. However, there were some laughs as well especially when a picture would pop up of Lucas making a funny face. What a character!! There were two musical numbers one of which my mother wrote the music and lyrics to. It was so incredible and I could feel Lucas' presence. After the services we went to the cemetery and the flowers were so beautiful. After the dedication of the grave there was a balloon release in which all of the children participated. Then we went back to the church for a family luncheon. I think today went really well and I'm so grateful for all of those who came to support us. We love you all so much!!! So many people were telling us how strong we were. Um....we were only strong because of all of the prayers being offered on our behalf. That and the comforter was embracing us and holding us up. I ask that you continue to pray for us as I know that once the dust has settled and things start to quite down, that's when it's going to be the hardest. At least, that's what I've heard. It's after the first couple of weeks that it becomes very difficult. I'm going to miss Lucas so much. Personally, I'm going to allow myself to have bad days when I just want to stay inside and cry. I think crying is so therapeutic and I always feel better afterwards. There is no weakness in tears, only healing. I also think it would be good for me to stay busy. I plan on volunteering in Kaden's first grade class and being more involved with his education. My house has been so neglected this summer mostly because I just didn't care. I had to many other things to worry about and so I look forward to cleaning and organizing once again. I miss my friends and having play dates and girls nights. I was at the hospital most of the summer and when I was home, I didn't dare take Lucas outside of the house for fear of him getting an infection. His battle was only 3 months and yet it seemed like a lot longer. I must say, I am not looking forward to going through his things. I plan on putting his swing, crib, stroller, high chair, etc. in storage this week. It's just to hard to walk by it all everyday now that there is no need for them. I hope to use it all again someday, just not anytime soon. We would love to have more children but we need some time to mourn. I don't know if we posted this earlier but on the day that we were discharged from the hospital we received the news that the genetic testing was back. It showed that the genetic mutation was found only in his tumor and not in his blood or DNA. This means that Lucas did not inherit ATRT from either of us. It was a spontaneous tumor. We don't have to worry about Kaden or Jonas or any future kids having it. This was some good news amidst the bad news. Anyway, we will continue to update the blog as this has been a great way to keep a journal and I have never been one to write in a journal. I'm realizing how important it is to keep a history of events because being human, we have a tendency to forget things. Thank you all for your sweet gestures, cards, donations, support, and love.


Friday, September 4, 2009


It was brought to our attention that Google Maps gives incorrect directions to the address of Lucas' services. We are sorry if we missed anyone because of this. Below are some details that will help any wanting to find the location tomorrow.

Directions: These are the simplest with the most identifiable landmarks. These are if you are coming south from Salt Lake City.

1. Head south on I-15 S
2.Take exit 289 to merge onto W Bangerter Hwy/SR-154 go 3.1 mi
3. Turn left at S 1700 W/S Redwood Rd/SR-68 (Camp Williams Road)
4. Continue to follow S Redwood Rd/SR-68 go 8.1 mi
5. You come to the light with Chevron on the northwest corner and Smith's on the southeast corner.
6. Turn right at @ 8570 N/Cedar Fort Rd/ SR-73
7. Continue to follow Cedar Fort Rd/SR-73 go 3.1 mi
8. You come to the light with the Maverick on the southwest corner.
9 Turn left at Ranches Pkwy go 1.3 mi
10. You will come to a 4-way stop.
11. Turn left at @ W 7200 N/Pony Express Pkwy, Destination will on the right go 1.1 mi.
(Location is approximately 4506 E 7200 N in the Ranches area)

If using GPS use Latitude (Y):40.362009 Longitude (X):-111.956515

Note: there are many chapels in the area and most look identical. You will pass one chapel at Smith Ranch Road and Pony Express Pkwy this in not the Stake Center. To be sure check the mileage at the last turn onto Pony Express Pkwy.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

In Loving Memory

Lucas Tyler Nelson was born December 8, 2008 in American Fork, UT, to Aaron and Shannon Nelson. His three month battle with cancer came to an end the night of September 2, 2009. Lucas passed away at home in the loving arms of his parents. Throughout his journey, Lucas was a Brave Little Soul who unlocked the love and compassion in people's hearts. Because of him, friends and family bonds have been strengthened, faith has been renewed, many prayers have been offered, and lives have been changed forever. He is survived by his parents, Aaron and Shannon; brothers, Kaden and Jonas; grandparents, Bill and Donna Nelson, and Gordon and Barbara Anderson; and many other aunts, uncles, cousins and great-grandparents. We thank the doctors and nurses who cared for Lucas, particularly the staff at Primary Children’s Medical Center. We also express our love and gratitude to family and friends who have given service and shown so much love and support.

Funeral services will be held Saturday, September 5th, 10:30am at the Silver Lake Stake Center, 4506 E Pony Express Pkwy, Eagle Mountain, UT, 84005. A viewing will be held, at the same location, Friday September 4th from 6-9pm and Saturday, September 5th from 9-10am. Interment will be at the American Fork Cemetary.

We will miss you our sweet Angel...

Lucas passed away last night (September 2) at 10:55pm with Aaron and I laying beside him. He touched our lives and hearts and will be deeply missed. Thank you to all who have been a part of our lives through this difficult time. It is a bittersweet feeling as we are sad to see him go and yet relieved he is no longer in pain. We know that he is with our loving Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ and that they will take good care of him. We look forward to the day when we will be reunited.

Funeral details to follow.