Saturday, December 26, 2009

Merry Christmas...

Well, it's the day after but I wanted to take a moment to say how thankful I am for our many blessings. I'm so grateful that Aaron has a good job and works hard so that we can have stability during these difficult economic times. Our family is in good health and we have the most wonderful family and friends. We spent Christmas eve with friends and Christmas day we just relaxed at home. My parents came over to watch the boys open a couple of gift they had brought for them and then we went to see Lucas to wish him a Merry Christmas. We then went over to Aaron's parents to take them a gift. I made photo albums of the kids for both of our parents this year and they turned out really cute. It's really sad that most of the pictures we have of Lucas is when he was sick and he had a feeding tube taped to the side of his nose. It's not that we didn't take any pictures of him as an infant, but most babies don't start smiling and laughing until they are about 4-5 months old and these make the best pictures. I've learned my lesson though. Never put off pictures and video because you just never know. I was even waiting to get our family pictures done until Lucas could sit up. Well, he got sick and I was having some major regrets. Then, our sweet friends arranged to have our pictures done in between his surgery and his first round of chemo. It was such a blessing and I'm so grateful to Melissa for taking pictures of our family with such short notice. There are so many good people in the world and so many acts of kindness have been extended to our family. This Christmas was very emotional as every time I heard a song about the baby Jesus or saw a picture it would remind me of Lucas. Yesterday I was telling the boys that Lucas is so lucky because he gets to be with Jesus on His birthday. Then Kaden asked me if he would be eating birthday cake. "I sure hope so. Heaven just wouldn't be heaven without cake." Aaron then replied that they probably have better stuff than cake in heaven. Well, I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas. We love all of you and thank you again for your love and support.


Tuesday, December 22, 2009

We're finally ready...

We just finished our Christmas shopping yesterday and now we are ready to relax through the holiday. Aaron is off work until after Christmas and it has been nice having him home. Wednesday night was Kaden's school program and it was so cute and entertaining. Unfortunately Kaden was on the floor and we couldn't see him the entire program. Oh well, I guess the important thing is that he knew we were there to support him. Friday night we went out with our friends Jeff and Leigh. We went to dinner and saw the movie "Avatar" which was sooooooo good!! Yesterday we went and put some decorations up on Lucas' stone and it looks so cute. The boys each picked a Christmas song and we all sang to him. It was sweet. I'm so glad that we now have something to look at when we go visit his burial site. I had an emotional day today because I was going through all of our pictures on the computer and even some video. It was flashback after flashback and even though I know there is a reason for all of this, I found myself asking the question,"Why him? Why us? It's just not fair!!!" Then I had to remind myself of all that has transpired from this. How many lives he has touched because he was willing to come down to earth and suffer so that others could learn. I truly believe this was a decision he made in the preexistence and he signed up to go through this in order to help others. I am so proud to be his mother and I'm grateful for the things our family has learned. This is my favorite time of year and we are so blessed to have a Savior who was willing to come to earth to suffer and die for us all for a greater purpose. So that we could return and live with Him again someday. May you all have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. We might go sledding tomorrow with the boys since we received a bunch of snow today. I love snow for the Holidays!!!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Cabin Fever...

Jonas has been a little under the weather for the past few days and so we've been cooped up inside trying to get him better. I've been making the best of it doing a lot of Christmas baking which those of you who know me are aware that I get a little crazy this time of year. What can I say, I love to bake! And there are certain things I only make during the holidays. One of the purposes of this blog is to record the funny things the kids say. Aaron has been telling me for years that I need to write these things down because it's crazy how fast you forget them. We know that the boys make us laugh all the time but then a few days later we try to think of what is was they said and whoops...we forget. So, I must share this. Carrie Brown who is in the Primary presidency at church said that Jonas got up to say the opening prayer and during his prayer he said multiple times," Jesus, thank you for Old McDonald's. I'm grateful for Old McDonald's with playgrounds and I'm grateful for Old McDonald's without playgrounds." How funny is that. We have 2 McDonald's near us and only one of them has a play land. It's so cute to me how sincere children are when they pray. They really are grateful for every little thing. It's no wonder we are supposed to be like them and our boys remind us every day that we need thank Heavenly Father for the little things in life as well as the big things. I love listening to them pray. Well, Aaron only has to work through Wednesday and then he's off until after Christmas. I'm so grateful that he has a job that allows him to spend so much time with us for Christmas. We are going to attempt to get all of our shopping done next week. Now that the basement is done I'm not sure where we are going to hide the boys gifts since this was our hiding place in the past. I might just have to wrap them as we get them. That might be a good idea anyway so that we aren't up until 2:00am Christmas Eve wrapping presents. It will be a hard Christmas without Lucas. He was only 2 weeks old last Christmas and as I was reflecting with Aaron the other night, I was saying how crazy and unpredictable this past year has been. Last Christmas we were holding our infant son having no idea the trials our whole family would be facing in the near future. We were just so lucky and blessed to have a beautiful healthy baby boy. Life can change in an instant. Cherish every moment because you just never know what storm might be coming your way. The storm has calmed down for us and there are still days when it rains. But, occasionally we are blessed to see a rainbow.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Happy Birthday Lucas!!!

Today is Lucas' birthday and we are happy to celebrate it. This day reminds us of the day that he came into our lives and began his short stay with us here on earth. We feel so blessed to have had him for the time that we did. Above are a couple of pictures of his recently completed headstone. Thanks to those who so thoughtfully left flowers and cards and for other kind gestures in memory of Lucas and this special day.

Happy Birthday Lucas!!! We love you!


Sunday, December 6, 2009

What a great weekend

Friday night we had the opportunity to attend the festival of trees and see the tree that was donated in honor of Lucas and Sadie Huish. It was really neat. We went with the Huish family to eat dinner before hand and had fun chatting with them. When we got to the expo center it was crazy mad crowded! We lucked out and were able to snag a parking spot in the parking lot. There was a shuttle caring people over from a different parking lot because of the traffic and crowds. Inside was full of Christmas Bliss!! The whole building smelled of cinnamon baked goods and lit up from lights all over. Music was playing and everyone was happy to be there. There were so many beautiful trees in honor of many other people, but of course we had our eyes on a very special one. It was so awesome. It was decorated in Curious George everything and Audra met us there with gifts for the kids. They each got to take home their own Curious George toy and blanket. The boys have slept with them every night. As we looked down to see the pictures on display along with their stories, they had 2 different baskets made. One of things that Sadie loved, and one for Lucas. It had Baby Einstein stuff and then I couldn't believe it but they had found the same bear that was his pall on Amazon. (I guess they are hard to find.) That blew me away. I can't thank them enough for all of the detail and time that was put into this tree. It was truly a beautiful event. Last night was our ward Christmas party and it was really neat. We were invited to come dressed like those during the time of Christ's birth and the whole cultural hall was decorated like Bethlehem. There were tent booths with food and activities for the kids and then the best part was the musical program at the end. It was a great way to enter the holiday season. Well, Tuesday is Lucas' Birthday and I know it will be a difficult day. But, Aaron and I are trying not to be sad whenever we see a picture of him or when something reminds us of him. We try to think about happy times and celebrate his life rather than dwell on his death. It's sad sometimes and I would be lying if I said that I kept it together all of the time. But really, I'm happy because Lucas is happy and what mother doesn't want that for her child? He was in so much pain when he was here physically and so I am happy he is no longer in pain. I miss him but I find that it helps to talk to him out loud as if he were right there in hopes that sometimes he can hear me. Sure it would be great if it were a two sided conversation but I know that day will come down the road. I am so grateful for my blessings and for Aaron, Kaden, and Jonas. They make me laugh everyday and I love them so much.


Wednesday, December 2, 2009

'Bout time I wrote something, I'm a slacker...

Life has been busy. Shannon has done a good job in the last post to summarize the last month or so. I just figured I would write something because I have largely slacked on doing my part to update the blog.

What a crazy time this has been. Life marches forward and we go along with it, but our hearts will always linger with the memories of Lucas. People ask how we are doing, and I usually respond, "We are doing well," and that is true, we are well. We have so much to be grateful for. Yeah, we have our moments where we completely lose ourselves in tears and some of those cry sessions can be intense and drawn out, but we always find comfort in the Spirit and the truths we have been taught and still believe.

Not too long ago I told myself that when I see a picture of Lucas I would choose to smile, rather than be sad. That doesn't always work, but for the most part I can smile because I know that Lucas must be so much happier now, and he doesn't have to experience so much pain and discomfort. I also feel that there are times when he is close to us and he is aware of how much we miss and love him. I am so grateful to a loving Father in Heaven who allows us to experience tragedy but gives us promises and the opportunity to exercise faith in those promises and receive peace and comfort through his Spirit. I have so many questions left unanswered, and I probably will for a long time, but I trust that Our Father in Heaven is in control, is aware of every detail of our lives, and loves us infinitely more than we comprehend. I know that he has the answers to my questions and in time they will be answered. For now, I trust that Lucas knows we love him and he loves us, and one day we will be reunited with him. What a glorious experience that will be.

I know we have said it before, but I want to say it again. Thank you, to all those who have blessed our lives in large and small ways. You mean so much to us and may you be blessed in your lives and your families for your goodness.

One more thing in closing. My heart goes out to all of those individuals and families who continue to struggle with illness, tragedy, and difficulty, may God bless you to get through your trials. A special prayer for those whose lives have been touched by Cancer, may God bless and comfort you. We love you guys!