Wednesday, September 9, 2009

One Week Today

It was exactly 1 week ago that Lucas earned his wings. This past week has been one of sadness, but we are finding strength that can only be explained by our loving Heavenly Father's hand. Yesterday Kaden was outside riding a neighbors skateboard and trying some new tricks. Then as we were getting ready for bed he said, "Mom, I thought Lucas was inside. Then I remembered he's in heaven and could see me doing all of my cool tricks!" I had to laugh. Laughter is just as theraputic and healing as crying. I find myself breaking down and tearing up over the dumbest things. Like the other day when I decided to transfer all of my stuff from the diaper bag back to a purse. I was cleaning out the pockets of the diaper bag and came across the tube of ora-gel that I had bought him back when all of this started and the doctor told me he was just teething. I kept his bear and slept with it a few nights ago. It still smells like him and I cried as I held it to my face. I am going to miss that little guy so much. We've gone as a family to visit his grave sight a couple of times this week and it's been nice. We took turns telling Lucas what we loved about him and what we are going to miss. It was a great activity for the boys to connect with him as they were distracted running around the cemetary. We are in the process of deciding what to put on his head stone. We have to decide soon because it will take 6 weeks to get made and it has to be put in before the ground freezes. We decided to purchase our plots and had Lucas burried between us. The head stone will have all three of us on it. (With the exception of our death dates of course.) I know that life will never be the same. I feel an emptiness in my heart that can never be filled. I love my son so very much. I know that we will be together again someday but in the mean time, it will not be easy as I am not a patient person. I guess that's a quality I will need to work on. I want to thank all of you for your support and please continue to pray for us as your prayers have strengthened us. We love you all!!!

Shannon

21 comments:

  1. We are continuing to pray for you and we won't stop. Please know that you are loved.....all of you. I'm sure Lucas is very close and is feeling much love for all of you too....and he probably did see Kaden's little tricks. Valeri (Stoddart's) husband Kent suggested a book to me years and years ago which was a great comfort to me after we lost our mom. It's called Life Everlasting - sorry I don't have the author's name right now but I will get it and add it on another post. It's so hard to know just what will be a comfort and exactly when. We are just praying that you do receive comfort in whatever ways Heavenly Father seeks to comfort you. You continue to be such an inspiration to me. Thank you more than I can say for that.....

    With love,
    Jill and family

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  2. Hi Shannon, You don't know me personally, but I feel like I know your whole family...I have kept up on your blog for a long while now, and first of all, your family is amazing! I pray for you all, all the time! I am so sorry about baby Lucas, I truly feel he is at piece and he is your guardian little Angel now. I found your blog through Sadie Huish's blog and her's and your's both have really touched my life!! If you ever get the chance, take a look at my blog, and know that you have found a friend in me! God Bless....Tawnia Allen

    www.theallensfamilyblog.blogspot.com

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  3. That was a cute little statement that Kaden made...and so true too! Lucas was probably cheering him on, and he will continue to cheer all of you on in everything you guys accomplish!

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  4. Everyday- we think about your family and how your day is going. We pray for all that you need to get through the days and grow strong as a family.

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  5. i have been thinking about your precious family and praying for the Lord's amazing comfort and peace to rest on you all. i can't imagine the pain and loss you are experiencing, but as you press into Jesus, He will carry you.

    be blessed.... heather flood

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  6. I can't imagine the emptiness you must feel. I'm so sorry that your family has to go through such a loss. I got a little teary eyed myself thinking about finding the ora-gel, if only it could have just been teething:( I lost my brother 10 years ago, and like many people have said it doesn't get much easier, but it seems the more time passes the more happy times we remember having with him. We laugh about him a lot still, and get excited knowing we will all be together again. I'm sure Lucas is happy as can be knowing that you will all join him one day... So cute that your boys know he's watching them, they are all so lucky to have you as parents. Good Luck with days, and weeks to come. We will continue to pray for your family. Every time I read your blog I hug my kids tighter, and love them more. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

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  7. Shannon, Aaron and family,
    You don't know me, but I happened to stumble onto your blog. I was looking on the website Delightful dots, where I found a Ped. Brain Tumor awareness link. My heart sunk, so I went to that website where your family picture and post about your beautiful Lucas was posted.
    I just want to say, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your dear Lucas. There is no other pain like it in the world, than losing a child...(I lost my son last October to a brain cancer.) As I read over your last few postings, my heart aches for you. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. May you feel the arms of our Loving Father in Heaven around you at this time.

    Karen
    Providence, Ut.

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  8. Your family is constantly on my mind, and you are always in our family's prayers.

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  9. I am also a complete stranger but I am so touched by your strength. I have a firm testimony that the Lord does provide many tender mercies. You will always remember the smell of your little Lucas. I am one that was also not blessed with patience. Many say that after the first year it gets easier. However, after losing 2 of my siblings at a young age, I don't think it gets easier, your grief just becomes different. Your life will never be the same. That's OK, we grow from our trials, and you are truly an amazing family which have so many blessings in store for you. I promise you that if you look through your daily life, you will find the Lord guiding it each and every day. President Eyring kept a journal of how the Lord has touched his life on a daily basis, and I promise you, he is there. I love you and don't even know you. I pray that you will feel of that love and that you will always know that the veil is so thin, and if you are patient and endure it well you will hold your little Lucas again!

    Sincerely,
    Mary Neilson

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  10. It's been a while since I have checked your blog. The news of Lucas passing was a shock. I have no words...only a sad feeling that's bringing on tears. Like others who have commented, I don't know you but feel like I do beacuse of your willingness to share your sweet little boy with us all...and maybe because of our common Gospel connection....either way...I love your family and I am praying for you.

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  11. Shannon,

    I think about you every day. I've been happy to see Aaron's car around this week. I'm sure that helps you so much right now. I loved your little story about Kaden, how precious.

    Sanz

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  12. i will not stop praying for you guys.

    shannon... i think about you every day. know you're being lifted up... everywhere!

    Love,
    Jenni

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  13. I don't know you (I'm a friend of a friend) but I sit here at the computer at midnight crying (really more like bawling) for you and the loss of your little boy. I'm so sorry for the separation you're faced with in this life, but rejoice with you in the blessings of the gospel. You're little Lucas though his life was cut short has now influenced mine. I'll be hugging my two children a little tighter tomorrow, particularly my daughter who isn't really that much older than Lucas. Thank you for your example of faith and love of family. You'll be in my prayers and thoughts.

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  14. Our prayers will always be with you! I can't even imagine the loss and the longing and yet the strength from Heavenly Father that you feel and continue to feel.

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  15. Shannon,

    The number of blogs I have read I could count on one hand but I have been truly inspired to live life on a higher level as I've followed your blog over the last several months. Its trials like this that remind us that life most certainly is a journey and not a destination and without Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ we could never endure it alone. When I went to visit my sister's baby up at PCMC your sweet little Lucas was Katherine's roommate. I feel so blessed to have seen an angel here on earth. I have not stopped thinking about him since. I'll never forget his sweet angelic face sleeping with his little teddy bear next to him. Our family has prayed for you and will continue to pray for you. You are amazing people and Lucas is so lucky to have you and Aaron as his parents. Lucas has blessed so many peoples lives. I love your little family and I know without a doubt that families can be together forever!

    Love, Rachael

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  16. Shannon, my husband Quinn knows Aaron from high school. We have been following your updates and praying for your family this summer. I am in tears, a fraction as heartbroken as you are, and only able to imagine my child's things remaining after losing him. Know that people you haven't met are praying for you. Remain faithful; your family has more incentive than most to get to be where Lucas is.

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  17. Shannon, your family truly inspires me! You probably don't remember me but we (The Manley's)were in your ward about a year ago. We lived in the condos that are closest to your house! I was in nursery and Jonas was in my class for a while. I believe I told you that he was my favorite! He really was, such a sweet family you are! we unfortunately never got to meet Lucas! But we Pray for you and wish you HAPPY DAYS :)!

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  18. Shannon, my name is Jessica and I was the medical assitant at Families first when he had his 6 month well child check and got you directions to PCMC. I came across your blog and wanted to express to you my thoughts are with you and your family! Reading your blog, I know you are such a strong person! Good luck and I wish the best for you and your sweet little familY!

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  19. Just wanting to let you and your family know we are thinking about them.

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  20. I haven't seen Aaron since we were kids, and he may not even remember me, but still as I followed your blog and was so touched by the picture of your family that reminded me so much of my own (three little blond headed boys- www.letyourlightshine-carlclan.blogspot.com), I couldn't help but imagine how I would feel in your situation. I know there isn't much that I can do personally to ease your pain, but I just wanted you to know that our family, our boys are praying for your boys; your family.
    I also thought back to when I was nine and my mother died; I was told as a child that it was because she was such a good mother that they needed her in heaven to care for the children who were called early. I am honored to share my mother with your son until you can be reunited again.
    I hope that you continue to feel peace in our Heavenly Father's plan for your family and that in time, even though life will never be the same, your life will find a new normal that will be filled with peace, happiness and love.

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  21. Still thinking about you every day. I'm sure, now that the dust has settled, you've been facing some of the toughest moments yet. Your faith and obedience continue to strengthen me. I hope you are seeing glimpses of hope and happiness. Praying so hard for you and your family.

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