Friday, August 28, 2009

Our Hearts are Broken...

I am sorry that I have not updated until now. It is 4:30 am and I have been up for the past hour rocking our sweet little boy. He was not awake but I couldn't sleep and just wanted to hold him. The past couple of days have proved to be quite difficult as we received bad news the morning of the 26th. Lucas' tumors have grown and spread to his brain. There is nothing more the doctors can do for him at this time but to try and make him as comfortable as possible. They predict he has weeks to live and not many. We are devastated. We had high hopes that he would be one of the few that would make it and live a long and happy life especially after the last MRI results 2 weeks ago showed much improvement. I will never understand cancer, but I do understand the plan of salvation and that brings me much comfort. We have had many family members and friends come to visit in the hospital and it has been difficult to find the time to blog. My thoughts were racing as I laid in bed just trying to imagine what life is going to be like without our sweet Lucas. I know that he will be in good hands. It is not him I am worried about, it is those left behind. I remember being in the hospital with him after he was born and just gazing at his sweet face in awe of how special this little guy was. What would he have to offer this world and what would his mission be to complete here? What would be his hopes and dreams and who's lives would he touch? Little did we know he would touch more lives in 8 months than some people do in a life time. How lucky are we to be parents of such a sweet spirit and how much we have learned from him who has yet to udder a word. As I was rocking him tonight I was begging Heavenly Father to comfort me as the tears wouldn't stop and it was as if His arms literally wrapped themselves around me in a warm embrace. I am so grateful to have a loving God who hears and answers me when I need Him. He is never to busy. Lucas is comfortable and he is on a continuous morphine drip. He doesn't seem to be in pain and our prayers to comfort him have been answered. After much discussion we have decided to bring him home tomorrow on hospice. We feel it would be more comfortable at home and the boys need to spend time with their baby brother to create as many memories with him as possible. We told them the other night and I was very impressed with their reactions. Aaron did a great job of explaining and used a latex glove as a visual aid. He held up his hand using it as our spirit before we came to earth. By placing it in the glove it represented our spirit entering our body. Then he took out his hand and and left the glove behind as his spirit (hand) went up to be with Jesus and Heavenly Father in Heaven and the body (glove) is left here on earth. I'm not sure they will really grasp what's happening until the funeral, but Kaden showed a lot of emotions and cried sincerely for about 45 seconds. Then he quietly asked if we could go downstairs and get a treat. Such is the mind of a 6 year old who loves his sweets. For some reason, chocolate isn't bringing me much comfort. My knowledge of the real fact that we will meet again does and that this life is so short in the grand scheme of things. I know that there are loved one's on the other side anxiously awaiting his arrival although he hasn't been gone for long. He has come and completed his mission and purpose with flying colors and I am so proud and honored to be his mother. We are promised in the scriptures that He will never give us a trial to heavy to bear. Wow. I honestly used to think that I could handle just about anything.....anything except losing a child. Well, I can honestly say we don't know ourselves as well as our Heavenly Father does. Will this be difficult? Of course it will. He never said it would be easy, He only said it ,would be worth it. I don't have all of the answers as to why this is happening to us. And I know that I probably won't understand until the day comes when we are reunited. But, I have faith that all things are for a greater purpose and I'm honored to be the mother of such a sweet little spirit. Aaron is taking time off work and we are going to go home and cherish every last second we have with him. Life isn't fair. Cancer sucks. God is real and life will continue. Lucas, you are loved more than you will ever know. I know many of you are wondering what you can do for our family. All I can think of is pray. This difficult time is not over and the worst is yet to come. Please continue to pray for us to feel peace and that Lucas will remain comfortable. We love you all so much and thank you for being a part of our lives. We couldn't have done this without you.

Love,
Shannon

53 comments:

  1. I have been following your blog and though I do not know you personally I am keeping you in my prayers and want you to know that. I also want you to know how truly sorry I am that you have such a difficult trial to endure.-I can not even begin to imagine the pain youare feeling. But with the faith I can tell you have I know you will endure it. You are loved and prayed for always by myself and family!

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  2. Shannon...if there are typos in this message, it is because I'm bawling my eyes out & can't really see my screen very well. I am so sorry. My heart just aches for you! I don't know what to say. I have no clue what you and Aaron are going through right now, but I am continually amazed by the faith, strength & grace you have shown over the past several months! If I am ever called to go through something similar, I can only hope that I can have just 1/10th the faith & courage that you and Aaron have had! You guys are amazing! Your little Lucas must be one heck of an awesome little spirit to be called home already, but I know that letting him go is the hardest & crappiest thing you've probably ever done! It's true that Lucas probably touched more lives & did more good in his short 8 months than 99.9% of people will in an entire lifetime! And, he will probably continue to touch lives even after he's gone! What a great little guy! You are continually in our thoughts and prayers! {{{Hugs}}}

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  3. Aaron & Shannon,
    I can't quite stop the tears in hearing this news. I'm so glad that we had a chance to visit this summer and I want you to know that not a prayer goes by we don't ask for your family and little Lucas to be blessed. Your testimony is such a wonderful example to us and we thank you for your strength. It may not be easy for you to see, but from the outside we see how much your testimonies have grown and the strength that it takes to leave it all in God's hands. Our hearts ache for your family at this time and we pray that your last moments together will be very memorable. We love you more than you will ever know. Thank you for sharing your battle with cancer with us and for helping us see what truly loving hearts you have. God Bless, we miss you and love you beyond words.
    Your Cous,
    Gen

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  4. I too have been following your blog and my heart is breaking for you. My thoughts and prayers will be with your family at this difficult time.

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  5. Shannon, my heart breaks for you guys! I am so terribly sorry that you are having to go through this, but praising God that you have had this precious time with little Lucas! I am praying for a miracle that the Lord will bless you with and comfort for Lucas and for you and your family! There are no words that will help to heal your pain, but the prayers, like you said, I can only hope will bring you peace!
    I love you my dear friend and just know that I am praying unceasingly for your family!
    Please let little Lucas know that he has friends in Kirkland, that even though we've never met him, we love him, we're praying for him and know that the Lord will guide and protect all of you!
    Sarah Jean

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  6. My heart is SO heavy for your family and for you as a Mother!Shouldnt it bring tears of joy to send Lucas back to our Heavenly Father? My head knows its a perfect place for him to be, but my heart cant imagine letting him go so soon. I will be praying for ALL that you need as a Mother and a family!
    ~heather

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  7. I have been following your blog through the Team Sadie Huish blog. I am so sorry for you and your Family. You have such an amazing attitude towards life and faith. I will pray for comfort for Baby Lucas and your whole Family. With a very heavy heart and lot's of prayers, Jadie Kendrick
    P.S. I've added you to my Blog.

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  8. You don't know us, but we are friends of the Huish family. They just posted a small comment about your family. I know they've done that before, and I've read your blog. It breaks my heart to hear of these sweet young children who live such a short life on this earth. I am grateful for their examples and they help me see The Light. It is such a humbling reminder that I need. We pray that your family will be comforted at this time and hope that the time you have with Lucas will be special and filled with the spirit. Good Luck and big hugs to you and your family at this time.
    The Loftus'
    Eagle Mountain, UT

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  9. You don't know me. I am just a blog reader from the Huish family. I am so heartbroken for your little family. I pray you will be comforted by our loving Father in Heaven. I would love to come and take pictures for your family, if you want or are in need of someone to do so. I can make it work to do them anytime. My blog is kristinsanchezphotography.blogspot.com It would be an honor to help you in anyway possible. My prayers go out to your sweet family. Or you can give me a call at 801.828.7223

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  10. You dont know me but I found your blog off of facebook. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. No one should ever have to loose a child. Cherish every minute you have and remember his spirit will always live on.

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  11. I too am just another person whom you don't know, but who cares SO much for you and your sweet family. My heart aches for all of you. How very tender your little boys hearts must be, we will be praying for their strength along with yours and your husbands'. I lost my cousin to cancer when he was 16. Hospice was great and enabled us to spend the last 3 weeks of his life with him at home. It was the most spiritual 3 weeks I've ever had. It was SO hard, but the veil gets very thin and the spirit in the room was so strong. I imagine with your sweet baby, it will be the same. =) I wish you the very best. I am so so so sorry!
    Lots of Love,
    Nikki

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  12. Shannon and Aaron, I've been out of the loop lately and I'm so sad to hear about this latest update about Lucas. Any mother that reads your post will cry. Ever since I first heard about Lucas and his cancer I've been a better mother. I've cherished my days so much more. I'm sorry for what you are having to experience, but please now that your example has inspired us. I'll hold my babies a little closer.

    Love, Sanz

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  13. Our prayers and our hearts are with you! I, too, have been tearing up reading your latest post and then scrolling down to see all the adorable pictures you've posted of Lucas. You have a HUGE amount of support and I hope you're able to feel all the love and prayers from all of us. You're never alone. God be with you all to help comfort you and bring you peace.
    Love, Audra & Nate

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  14. Shannon and Aaron,

    Cam has told me about what's been going on. I just found your blog today. I am so deeply sorry to hear the news about Lucas. I can't imagine what you are going through. I don't think anyone could, unless they have been in that same situation.
    I know that we haven't spoken in years, but the Nelsons have ALWAYS been a friend to me. You all entered my life and were (and still are) a family to me when I needed it the most. I admire you for your strength in what you have written. Those are very courageous words. You inspire me. I think it would be easy for one to be so angry in this situation. I admire how you are sticking with your convictions and your beliefs. I admire how you are holding steady to your spirituality and your faith. You're such an amazing women. All of our hearts are breaking right along with you. I hope you can be comforted with all the people who love you and your family and that you can remain strong.

    I will pray for you all and send my positive thoughts and love.

    JIllian

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  15. You don't know me, but my name is Stephanie Schmidt, and I am Valeri Stoddart's daughter. She sent an email to my siblings and I the other day asking for prayers for your family. And then today she sent a link to your blog. I am amazed by your faith and devotion to the gospel! You have such an amazing testimony of the gospel; your children are so blessed! I can't imagine how incredibly difficult this must be, but please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and will continue to be.
    Love,
    Stephanie

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  16. Hi, my name is Emily Peterson, you don't know me but unfortunately we have too much in common. I just learned of your sweet Lucas from the Huish family. My daughter passed away from DIPG about a year and a half ago, she was 5 1/2. I am so sorry you are having to go through this trial. There is no way to describe what it is like to loose a child, so I won't even try, and I wish I could say a year and a half later that it has gotten easier, but it hasn't. But we too take great comfort in knowing
    Ashley completed her mission here on earth and that she is in the loving arms of our Savior. We have been given much comfort and peace in knowing that this is the plan of our Heavenly Father, but it is still very hard. If you are interested in learning more about Ashley her blog is caringbridge.org/visit/ashleypeterson.
    I wish you the very best these next coming hours, days, months, and even years.

    Love - Emily

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  17. Hey Nelson family,

    just wanted to say you are all in my thoughts & prayers. I cant imagine how it must feel to lose a child.

    Just know a young lady from Oklahoma is thinking about you all & praying for you all.

    Hang in there & know you have lots of prayers coming your way.

    God Bless,
    Salie

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  18. We love you guys and our prayers and thoughts and faith are with you all during this horrendous, scary, maddening time. If there's anything else we can do, please let us know.

    Hugs,
    The Croziers

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  19. Shannon and Aaron,

    We haven't met, but I'm Kelli Proctor's sister. She and Roger love you both so much and I just wanted to let you know that you are in our prayers as well. May God bless you and your sweet family. I know this wasn't an easy post to write, but it was so real and so beautiful. You are touching so many lives by your love and faith. Thanks for letting even strangers be a part of your journey.

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  20. Shannon,

    I don't know if you'll even remember me (we were in your ward for a short time), but I wanted to thank you for your example of faith and strength through this heartrenching time. You family will be in my prayers.

    Natalie Baldwin

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  21. Shannon,

    I have been wanting to send you a message or note or something since Lucas got sick but could never find the words... I still can't! I guess I just want to say thank you for your testimony, faith, strength, example... all that you have done throughout this ordeal. Just know that we are among the many who are thinking of and praying for Lucas and your family.

    Leslee Douglas

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  22. My heart goes out to you and your family during this time. I have tried to keep up with your blog and when I logged on this evening, I couldnt believe what I was reading.I dont know exactly what to say except I will continue to pray for Baby Lucas and your family.

    Shauna Malone

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  23. Dear Nelsons,
    Our prayers are with you as well, I am amazed by your strength and faith.. what a testimony you have Shannon. Thank you for setting such a wonderful example for us other mothers to follow.
    I just love your boys...As I has told you before, I loved being Kaydens Primay teacher, he always taught me more than I am sure I taught him. You are awesome Parents..my heart goes out to you all.
    All our love,
    Danelle & Todd Butterfield

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  24. Shannon & Fam-
    I am a friend of Kelli's. I have a six month old baby boy and reading your posts touches me even deeper when I visualize that happening to him. I am so sorry for what you are going through, what your sweet baby is going through and I am truly amazed at the thoughts you have shared and your wonderful attitude. My prayers are with you!

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  25. You don't know me. I found your blog through the Sadie Huish blog. I am so terribly sorry for your bad news. I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. Your family is beautiful and Lucas is an absolutely angel. I will keep you in my prayers and hope for comfort and blessings to come your way, and for Lucas to have a peaceful time of it. I am so, so sorry!!!!

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  26. Shannon and Family,
    I read your heartbreaking post at work today.I wanted to wait until I got home tonight to relay to you my thoughts. Speaking as a mother who has lost a child and also as sister who has lost a sibling, I can only hope and pray that you have the strength to get through this terrible time in your lives. May you find much peace and comfort. Hold on to each other and your memories. I am sorry that your time with dear Lucas is limited. I know you are making the most of it. He loves you and you love him dearly. You are a wonderful family and I am grateful that you have all touched my life. Much love, Caroline(Suber) Lee

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  27. Shannon,

    It was so wonderful to see you last night and your sweet Lucas. Thank you for sharing your strength in Christ. It is so sad and heartbreaking to see him go through so much pain. I lost a baby to a miscarrage and can't imagine the pain of loosing a child who has been here. It is comforting and joyful to know that his mom and dad pull on the strength of Christ. I remember going through a hard time a few years ago and praying to feel Christ's love and I too literally felt his arms wrap around me as well. I love the scripture from the Book of Mormon that says "We are eternally wrapped in the arms of His love". Please know that we love you and are praying for comfort for you, your family and most of all for Lucas to not experience pain. We're here for you as always even when everyone goes home.

    Lots of love

    Tina

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  28. I found you @ Imma Momma and I am so very sorry you and your family are going through this with your baby Lucas. I can't imagine the pain a mother goes through losing a child after you have loved them and held them. I pray God gives you strength, comfort and especially understanding through this difficult time. I also pray for comfort and no pain for Lucas! You are in my thoughts and prayers Shannon and Aaron.

    God Bless,
    Holly Paul

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  29. Aaron & Shannon -

    I am so sorry to hear the latest news of Lucas. I have been following your blog since this all began. I can't imaging what you must be going through but clearly people are coming together all around you to pray for your family. We are so blessed to have the Gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives to know that we will be together with our loved ones again. You have made me squeeze my boys a little tighter and listen to them a little longer. May the Lord comfort you and your entire family during this difficult time.

    Much Love,
    Emily Wright

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  30. Shan, I love you and Aaron and the boys soooo much! We are better people from having known you and your family! I am so amazed by this last post, I know that must have been difficult for you to express but so well spoken. You are such an amazing woman and as I read, I thought of glimpes of your future as a powerful woman can turn the hearts and minds of many to our Father in Heaven and our Brother and Savior Jesus Christ.

    It is impossible to imagine life without Lucas. He is the seed that brought our families together. We greatly anticipated his arrival and felt so whole and peaceful since he has been here. What a special child and spirit of God. Heavenly Father could only entrust such an Angel to a strong spirit like you! Like Mother like Son!!

    We will always be here for all of you and we know that when Lucas passes his spirit will continue to surround us. That knowledge comforts me. We pray constantly for each of you individually. We pray Lucas is comforted. We are beside ourselves with grief. We love you and hope that we can help you in any way whether it is space or a companion you need.
    xoxo,

    Amber, Jared and Mikkena

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  31. May God bless you with comfort and peace. I'm so sorry to hear of the devistating outcome of you precious little man. I too have lost a son his name is Codey he would have been 6 this Jan. I can not tell you that things will be okay, things will Never be "okay" again. Your life will change and will go on but you will save a sacred place in your Heart that you can go when it just gets to be too much and in this place you will be able to reunite with little Lucas and feel the love and joy that you shared during his brief time on earth. A quote that reminds me of my little man is, "Some of the best things in life can not be seen or heard but felt in the Heart." I know you do not know me but if you are EVER in need of a listening ear Please call or email me even if it is at 2am! I have been their I know the despair you can feel... My name is Lisa Montague my number is 801-636-2337 and my email is sweetcreations@funfinity.com I live in Springville, Utah with my husband and 2 little girls. You are in my Heart and I will pray for you and your Sweet Family. Lots of Love -Lisa

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  32. I, too, am a friend of the Huish's and I am so sorry for your sweet family. My mother-heart aches for you. It's so wonderful that you have such a strong testimony of the Plan of Salvation and of our Savior. It will get you through these difficult times. Lots of love and prayers coming your way.

    Wendy Francis

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  33. As far as little Kaden is concerned, I was 5 when my brother, who was 4, died in a drowning at a lake. I remember feeling very left out of all the things after his death. I wasn't allowed to go to the funeral. It is great that you are incorporating your other boys into your grief and letting them express themselves as they see fit. Children will be sad one minute and then normal and laughing the next. This is the way their minds work. Thank you for being so considerate of your other children. They will grieve too.

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  34. I stumbled upon your blog through a series of clicks. I, too, have a son the same age as Lucas. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling. I just want to send you my love. Lucas has a very loving Heavenly Father that knows your pain and the loss of a child. He too has loved so deeply and lost. I can't say I've had such a significant loss such as a child, but I have lost loved ones. It doesn't compare, but my comfort has been in the things we know to be true; the plan of salvation and eternal families. Stay true to your covenants and you will be able to see your sweet baby again, and live in the eternities together. Much love, and my deep sorrow for what you are going through,
    Chellie

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  35. I read this post yesterday and I was just so sad. Devestated for you and your family. I kept trying to think of anything that I could say to you, but really I have no words. No Mother, or Father for that matter, should have to go through the pain you are right now. Thinking about it makes me cry and continue to cry. You guys have been on my mind the past two days constantly. I keep looking out the window over to your house and hope that you are inside laughing and enjoying your time as a family. I imagine you just cuddling your baby boy all day long. I know that you already know this, but remember that, as your blog says, You Are Nelsons Forever.

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  36. I know you don't know me, but my name is Shantelle Meacham. I am 16 years old and I found your blog as I was reading about Sadie Huish. I am so sorry for the sorrow that you feel. I am very touched by the faith and love that your family has. I can feel of your spirit as I read your beautiful words. I don't think I could ever say anything to give you comfort or peace, but I do know that Heavenly Father loves us. I have always believed that children who pass away at an early age were just too perfect for this world. I believe your son is one of those angels who was just sent here to inspire people and to help us all to grow. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. Thank you for your strength and example. Best wishes!

    ~Shantelle

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  37. We don't know each other, but I wanted to comment and let you know that I'm praying for your family.

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  38. I just heard the sad news in an email from Trish. Please know that we will be praying for you, and trust that Heavenly Father will continue to bring you strength and comfort. Wish we were closer and could help out more. You have such a wonderful family, we have been and continue to be grateful for your example. Lucas was so blessed to be born into your wonderful family. To have a mother and father filled with such faith. I'm sure he has learned about our Savior from the spirit you carry with you and the love you give him everyday. Love, The Tanners

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  39. I hope you can feel the support from those of us who have never met you before. Yes, cancer sucks. But it sounds like you have many that can help through this trying time. I send my best wishes.

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  40. Shannon and Aaron

    I don't know you well Shannon, but Aaron has been a wonderful home teacher to me and my children. I know behind every great man is a great woman. I also know that you Aaron are the type of man that echos your wife's thoughts. Our family will pray for you and your boys.
    The Roth Family

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  41. Shannon and Aaron,
    I have been trying to find words to express how I feel the past few days since I read your post and they still haven't come. I guess there just aren't really any words that do justice. I just want you to know that you are in our constant thoughts and prayers and if there is anything we can do in the next few days, weeks, months or even years please let us know. We love you guys and we appreciate our friendship and your example. Hang in there and know our Father in Heaven is mindful of you and your family.
    Love,
    the Perrys

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  42. Shannon and Aaron,

    You are so positive and sweet. I hope you get as much time with little Lucas as you need. You are right, though, our Heavenly Father knows us and what we need. He won't take Lucas from you until you're ready. That may seem trite since you know he has to go and you may never feel ready, but He has a way of helping us know that it's OK. There is so much loss and sorrow, but with your perspective and your good friends and support you will make it. I wish we could have seen you when we were in UT, but my kids were sick and we didn't want to pass it on, especially knowing what a frail immune system your little Lucas must have. But we're thinking about you and praying for you. Cherish that little time together. Have as much fun as you can, and laugh though your heart is breaking. It will help when you look back and miss him.

    Lots of Love,
    Kellianne (Gregory) Clarke and family

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  43. Aaron and Shannon,

    I am so sad to hear the news about little Lucas. I have been praying for your family, and even more since I heard the news. I know that our Father in Heaven loves us, and that he really does know what is best for us even when we don't understand.

    Give that sweet boy a kiss for me, we will continue praying and thinking about you all.

    Melanie (Michael Eagar's little sister)

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  44. Aaron and Shannon,

    I'm not sure if you remember us, Ryan and Lindsay Jones. My dad Charley was the branch president of the singles branch and Lindsay knew Aaron in high school. I'm not sure how Linds found your blog, but she ran across it. She was happy to find it and then both of our hearts broke as we read about Lucas. May God bless your family during this experience.

    Ryan and Lindsay Jones

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  45. Shannon and Aaron

    You guys are in my thoughts every second of every day! I love and miss you so much. Please let me know if Blaine and I can do anything. It is so hard, sad, and heartbreaking to see you guys go through this. I wish there was something I could do to take away all your pain. I love you Banana! Hug and Kiss those boys for me!
    Love Always,
    Amy

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  46. Aaron and Shannon,
    Our family is so sorry to hear the news. We love you and are praying for you. You are both such wonderful people. The whole ward is ready and willing to do anything for you. Please let us know when needs arise. I will be willing to do whatever is needed. I am cherishing each moment with my kids much more so. I am slower to anger. Our whole family is praying for you.
    Love,
    The Thomas'

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  47. I am the mother of 3 and as I read your blog I wept for you. For this burden and trial that has been placed upon you. I have a 6 month old...I can't even imagine what you are going through. I don't know you, and you don't know me. But before this life we were sisters. We are all on this earth now to help each other through these hard times. You and your family are one of the great ones. The ones that you hear about in General Conference when they speak about people of great faith and strength. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. My heart goes out to you. God Be With You.

    -Emily Morrise

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  48. hi, my name is jerrica, tyler and angelas daughter. my mom had me read that post and i couldnt go more than 3 lines without crying. i am soooo sorry. i have no idea what it might be like to lose a brother and im only a kid so i cannot know what it feels like to lose a son. please tell your boys that that no matter what happens, everything will be okay, thats what my parents tell me. since i cant right now, can you hold lucas and hug him for me? that would mean so much. you, your husband, your boys, and lucas will be in my prayers.
    love, jerrica thomas

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  49. My prayers are with your family... My husband works in the temple on Wednesdays and I will have him put your name on the prayer roll... This has to be hard and I don't even know what to say to you except that you are a wonderful mom to this sweet little boy....Stay strong...

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  50. Dear Nelson family, I am another stranger who has been so touched by your humility and faith. May heaven's blessings shower upon your family as you make your way through these next few days, weeks, years. My prayers are with you.

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  51. Praying... i don't know what else to do but pray. You are in my heart!

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  52. Oh Shannon what an amazing testimony. You probably don't feel as strong as those words came across just now, but I hope all the prayers going out to you and your beautiful family are able to carry you through and give you peace in your heart. You absolutely made me cry, but its more tears of love and heart ache for you. Logan and I are praying. ((((HUG))))

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  53. Although I don't know you personally, my heart goes out to you. There are no words that can express my sincere sorrow for your loss. I do know this ~ you are not alone. The Lord is with you and will carry you through this incredibly difficult time. You and your family are in my prayers. @-->---

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